Valentines Day All Month ~ Day 10 ~ The Hard Workers and the Appreciative Ones (and Other Things People Don't Want to Hear)

February 10, 2014 · Valentines Day All Month ~ Day 10 ~ The Hard Workers and the Appreciative Ones (and Other Things People Don't Want to Hear) It's the stress I know nothing about, that happens from 6am to usually 6pm...the early mornings that he's had more of than I have....the sunrises he's seen that I haven't because I'm in bed feeding, whichever of the five newborns it was at the time....starting the truck in the cold while I'm snuggled under a goosedown with a baby with downy hair....him having to go to work even when he's sick....putting in the long hours and putting up with the demands of soldiering. All things I know nothing about. Yes, I work hard at home. When I don't have a newborn I am up at the same time as him, making his breakfast and packing his lunch but I have the luxury of resting at home when I need to and the relaxation of drinking my coffee on the couch if I've gotten up early enough to beat the children. I do work hard, but it isn't the same. I am not met with the same challenge and struggle that a man faces in providing for a family. With Adam's curse, the husband received the challenge and struggle of laboring in a fallen world, dealing with the thorns of fallen people, the weeds of fallen superiors, the rocks of fallen organizations. I know it's very hard. But I don't know it intimately. I'm not acquainted with it, because I haven't had to work outside the home. I will never be able to adequately show my appreciation to my husband, but I try. If I worked we *might* be out of debt, faster, but likely not. The money we save by me staying home, plus the blessings it creates, probably would outweigh anything I would contribute by working. With extra gas, food, and childcare expenses, I probably wouldn't make enough to make much difference, but I would add stress to our home life, and the lives of our children. For this reason, I try to live my life joyfully under the Curse of Eve (Genesis 3) which states, "...and your desire will be towards your husband and he will rule over you". Somewhere in us women, is an inner battle of will, which is there because of Eve. Our desire is towards our husbands but it's not a good desire. We desire to rule over him, but this is not God's way. God's way is for the husband to rule over his wife. Thankfully, Jesus Christ relieved much of the oppression over women of the past. In fact, even before Christ, Israel was the most enlightened nation where women were concerned, and most Israelite women had it much easier than women in surrounding nations. This, I like to think, was a foreshadowing of Christ, and likely a draw for women like Ruth and Rahab! Now, because of Christ our savior, and New Testament grace, us women have it much easier. Men are commanded to love their wives but we are not let off the hook. We are still called to submit to and respect our husbands. The husband faces the same inner battle, tempting him to go against his curse. He naturally desires to be lazy, and passive towards his wife. If he will desire to live joyfully under his curse, he will find the beauty in his curse. He will seek to master his laziness and passivity, and add obedience to his New Testament command to love his wife, and he will find a great harmony. A beautiful circle begins to form. The man works hard to provide, and he leads and loves his wife, adequately. The woman seeks to submit to her husband, and respect to him and his authority. When both seek to simultaneously live out marriage God's way, a peace is created. If either one or both of them, do not live out God's design, there is struggle, strife, pain, and hardship. If both husband and wife cannot, or do not, simultaneously obey, then one of them must begin the circle somewhere and take on the challenge of living rightly under his or her curse. You may have to live a long time doing the right thing before you get to see any results. Maybe you will never get results, but you will be rewarded greatly in heaven for your obedience to your Heavenly Father. If you do have a hardworking husband but he doesn't know how to love, then I would suggest to you, to be equally hardworking in two ways. Number one: work equally hard in your home. Make his home a haven of rest to come home to, not a chaotic place where the children and dog have reeked havoc. Let the house be a mess during the day, but be sure it's clean when he gets home. Make your best attempt at having a nourishing, healthy, and hearty meal waiting for him. Try to have yourself and your kids cleaned up by the time he gets home. I'm not suggesting these things for any other reason, except for the simple fact that he has worked hard in a stressful environment and probably doesn't desire to come home to a worse environment. If he is hardworking but comes home to a place where it *appears* that you've done nothing ----now I know you've not done nothing, but he may not know this---- it may cause some bitterness to form in him. He may feel you are not his teammate in life, or that you are lazy all day, while he has been working hard for you and the children. Maybe you are lazy, so if the shoe fits, I'm sorry. :/ Trust me: if you will seek to fulfill number one, EVENTUALLY your husband will see the jewel he has taken for granted all these years. Don't give up! Number two: be equally hard-working in showing your appreciation for his hard work. What this looks like exactly, will depend on the person your husband is. Whatever his love language is, is what will show him you appreciate and love him. It will either be: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, or Acts of Service. And I will tell you, almost 100% of the time, his love language will not be your love language. I made a five-year mistake of loving my husband with my love language. I simply didn't know he didn't feel love the same way that I did. What I thought would make him feel loved, had no effect on him. The other five years I spent trying to figure out what his love language was, because he didn't know either (pretty common), and also by then, it was a little too late. His love tank was depleted. Mine was depleted. Both of us were bitter towards one another. Neither of us really felt loved by the other. This was the crack that almost ruined our marriage. So work hard to show your love and appreciation to your hardworking man! And just a side-note....his love language will almost always be the one you least want to do. I think God plans it this way and probably laughs a little when he puts husbands and wives together with their "work cut out for them". :) To come full circle with this for men and for women: seek to balance the negative effects of your curse with the positive commands in the New Testament, and live joyfully under both because neither one are changing anytime soon. For men: working is hard, not being lazy is hard, not being passive is hard and loving a woman like Christ loves her is hard. For women: bearing children is hard, keeping the home is hard, submitting to your husband is hard, and respecting your husband is hard. All are very satisfying and fulfilling, when taken seriously and cultivated properly. Anytime God commands something, it is for our ultimate good, these commands included! When both spouses learn to do these things very well and ALSO show appreciation when the other one does them, a peace and tranquility can be your new norm! <3 Just for fun: http://youtu.be/N5E34pxzPlQ