Monday, April 25, 2016

Day 19 of Thankfulness ~ My Life and How I Came to Be

Day 19: My Life and How I Came into Being I'm so thankful that God chose to give me life! My parents were afraid to have children, due to a rare syndrome called Fraser's syndrome. This caused their first born son, Eric, to be born full term, but lived only moments. He died with his first few breaths. They had no idea, because there just wasn't the same kind of medical technology available 36 years ago, as there is now. Their baby was born severely deformed. You can look at images online of this syndrome. It's SCARY!! And that could have been me!!! The doctors warned my parents not to have anymore children. They decided to use birth control. Five long years passed for them. I'm sure it hurt so badly to want children, but be so afraid to have them. Then God broke through the barrier. God broke through the barrier of perfectly used birth control and through the barrier of their fear. I was conceived and there was even greater fear, I'm sure. But then they beheld my tiny face, and perfectly formed body, when I was born May 24th 1982, at 5:39 pm. And something changed inside both of them. The birth control went in the trash and was never discussed again. They went on to lose many children (mostly early miscarriages, and one late second trimester-almost third trimester- pregnancy with a little girl named Rebekah Jean), but also had two other daughters and then later in life, a son!! Do you realize now, why I LOVE children and will never go on birth control? I saw the faith in my parents to trust God, with their family. I saw them move out of fear, and into trust. I saw them love greatly, each child God gave them. I saw them mourn greatly, each loss. I will see my many brothers and sisters again, someday, in heaven. I will never stop or interfere with any blessing that God will so choose to give us! Do you see now, why my heart ached when my husband wanted and got a vasectomy? Why I almost drowned under anger, bitterness, and a lashing tongue. How I became a wife no one would want? I'm so sorry, James....So sorry. :(. But God is a gracious and forgiving God; teaching and correcting his children. Do you see how God took us on a hike of faith, and the four year journey of waiting for the reversal? God is good!! I am not....but I was delivered from so many things/sins during that journey, that the glory can only go to God. Only God can change a woman like I was....angry, bitter, and mean. Never judge a family by it's cover. I'm sure people assumed that my parents "weren't having any more kids" after the third girl was born. I'm sure people thought "if they try for a boy, it will be a girl, so they might as well stop". This wasn't the case at all. AT ALL!!! They never used birth control after I was born. They wanted many children. That's not what God wanted for them. They walked in what God did want for them, though. They influenced my life in a way, that my heart overflows with gratefulness. With trust. With passion. With love. I'm so thankful that God chose to give me life, and has been so patient when I've royally screwed it up!!!! <3.

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