Thoughts of an Army Wife

MY OH-SO-COOL HUBBY

As James and I approach our 6th wedding anniversary (August 2nd), I find myself more and more sensitive and contemplative. I am really missing my husband right now. It's hard thinking about what we could be doing, or how we could celebrate our special day. I love our anniversary...I know for some people it doesn't mean much, but to us it is probably the most important day of the year.

I am very proud of my husband. I would rather him be doing what he is doing now, then deal with everything we were dealing with before. So, the whole Korea thing really doesn't bug me too much. I have always felt that being a soldier is what he is best at (though he is good at everything he does) and that I could not see myself as anything but an Army wife (particularly a Lady Nightstalker). I am very secure in what my husband is doing and happy to do everything that I do while he is serving. I know part of the plan that God has for me, is to be a military wife. I do not want pity, and do not want people to think that I am not thankful for the life we have and the life we have chosen. You can't imagine how thankful and happy I am. But....during times like these, it does get hard and I am thoroughly irritated with people who are insensitive to those whose husbands are gone, defending our country while you sleep at night, make love with your husbands, wake up to them in the morning and yell at them at night....and whatever else all you civilian wives do with your husbands, who are home every night.

I do not want to complain about being an army wife....I am complaining about civilians who just don't get it. Who don't realize the sacrifices military spouses make because they are so busy enjoying their freedoms. I can't imagine what it is like to be you all......I was a civilian wife for 4 months last year, and felt completely lost ........because I knew where God wanted me and what I am good at ( James says I am the best Army wife ever...but...I don't know) and we weren't in His will.

Anyway, having said all this, I do want to point out that military wives are not always made out of solid rock. Deployments, TDY's, Hardship Tours etcetera are highly emotional times for us. Military wives really are extremely tough and being one is definitely not for wimps. A lot of people mean well in what they say and do, but a lot just try to make casual conversation without thinking much about how their words are affecting others. Sometimes, what they say is very insensitive, though they meant well. I'm not saying that you should walk on eggshells with us, but compassion and sensitivity is a great safe-guard. Sometimes, just not giving us all the details is the most sensitive thing you can do for us. Or, just don't even talk about anniversaries, date nights and the like, unless we ask. Please!

Most of what I am feeling is because I am surrounded by civilians. This is the first time I have ever lived away from an Army base while my husband has been gone. I don't have a choice right now, and have learned how important it is to live near one. They are there for a reason! Living around civilians during this time has really been a learning experience and growing time for me but it has been hard. Believe me...I am ready to leave all of this in our Suburban's dust in April '09.

Going to a church full of civilians doesn't help much either and is not the best way to go, but there again, I have no choice. I long to be in a church packed full with military folks who know and understand what I am going through and are sensitive to my feelings. I love my current church family to death...they were my church family before I was married and will always be near and dear to my heart. I would not be the woman I am today without certain people from Trinity. It is a wonderful church and full of amazing, helpful, spiritually mature and God-fearing individuals. They are very supportive of me but still, they (except for a handful of prior service members) do not fully understand. They have not experienced military life first hand so they cannot relate to me. Thus, I feel somewhat lonely sitting through church and being the only woman there without a husband by my side (a husband who dearly wishes he could be there). There are a few women there, whose husbands don't come to church because they choose not to...but none who can't come because duty has called them away.

If you are a military wife be sure that you are near a military base during times of deployment. Don't think being near family will be the support you will need. It isn't the case at all! You need certain types of support that you cannot get from your family. Just going to the grocery store (which is called a commissary for military people) and seeing a multitude of women shopping alone with two or more children and juggling infant car seats (with brand new infants in them) is enough some days to show you that you are not alone. Sitting in church with all your children and seeing your friends doing the same thing is refreshing and needed...........this reminds me..........thank you Lord for Anne Chamberlain.......she is a lady from church who sits with me and helps me with my children during church! :)

If you are not a military wife be compassionate to those of us who are. Realize the sacrifices we make. Be thankful for what we do each day, so you and your husband can do all you do everyday. We are flesh and blood women, just like you. We have anniversaries and we really would rather not hear all about how you spent yours. We have Valentine's Day, just like you do. We get through full-term pregnancies. Some of us are on bed rest when pregnant. We give birth to our babies. We have tragic miscarriages and stillbirths. Our pets die. Our loved ones die or are sick. Our lawn mowers break. Our cars have to go into the shop. Our children have birthdays and so do we. Our kids throw up all night just like yours do. Our little ones start Kindergarten. Some of us are home-school moms. Our kids graduate from High School and go away to college. We have Thanksgiving. We have Christmas. While you kiss on New Years, we wish we could. We have emotional ups and downs. We are sometimes sick or do not feel well but are still responsible for 100% of our children's daily care. We witness first steps and first teeth. We hear first words. We do yard work and organize the garage. Some of us change oil. We are burned out and for good reason. We do and feel everything you do and more, but we do not have our husbands here to lean on, through it all.

We will cry when you cry and we will try to rejoice when you do, but please be considerate of what you say and how much you tell about you and your husband and your family. We don't mind hearing about it but you can spare us the details. Emotionally, we sometimes cannot handle it. You ask, "What can we talk about then?" Everything........children, diapers, books, cooking, recipes, herbs, horses, gardening, movies, music.... whatever the particular woman is into. We do not have time for self-pity. We have too much to do. So please do not pity us...treat us like real people. We sometimes can sink into depression easily, but we still have to do everything we had to do, before we were depressed. But you can help, by being sensitive and by thinking about what you are saying. Compassion goes a long, long way!

Thanks for letting me vent, yet again!!! ;)

What is Going on? By: James Phipps

OK people, everyone that I am friends with knows by now, that I am in the Army and happy to be serving my country, at a time of war. I have been deployed to Iraq twice and deployed in support of the war on terror in another part of the world, once. I have had this on my mind for a few weeks now and cannot help but vent it here. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GENERATION!!?!?!?!? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!? I have to tell you, I am in Korea right now, which for those of you that don't know, a lot of new soldiers in the Army are sent here right out of school. Most of these new soldiers have no idea about their jobs, or really what it means to be a soldier. I have one I will use as an example. I'll call him Private Smith, just to be nice and not throw his real name in the mud. PVT Smith joined the Army and went to basic training in FT Jackson SC. He graduates basic and progresses to Advanced Individual Training, where he begins 18 weeks of training, to become familiarized with the aircraft engines he will be required to maintain and fix during his 6 years, that he agreed to serve. PVT Smith scrap's through and is sent to the Republic of Korea. Now, I am not a discriminating type at all but the first time I saw PVT Smith, I was down right disgusted at his appearance. He is overweight by more than the Army would ever allow a person to be, even with a medical condition. I asked him when he was taped to see where he stood as far as his Body fat percentage (the army has a standard percentage that you cannot exceed). He told me he had never, ever been taped. So this kid made it through basic and AIT somehow never being taped... OK, well i guess some people slip through the cracks. I told him that I was a Engine guy also and I would be working with him and teaching him in our shop. Little did I know that he would pretty much become my soldier and I would have to see that he was squared away on everything that he did. Well, every soldier has to have a Physical fitness test completed within the first 30 days, so PVT Smith is given a PT test. He failed every event. EVERYTHING!!! He is 8% over on his body fat... the worst I have ever seen in my military career. When I sat down with PVT Smith to see where the problems were and how we could fix it (me trying to help my soldier) he lost his temper, told me he didn't care about some stupid test, and that his dad was a chief warrant officer 3 retired and he didn't have to take this crap. Well for those of you in the Army, NCO's, Officers, and lower Enlisted, you know what happened next. I spent the next 2 hours smoking the daylights out of a spoiled little brat. The problem is, he doesn't care. But me being a NCO, I cannot allow a new soldier to think he can talk to me that way, especially when I am trying to help him. As I am out there with him in the blistering heat and humidity, I am talking to him and the more I ask him the madder and madder he is getting. I am baffled. What is this kids problem? Well apparently he joined the Army because he thought that it would be fun. That he could pretty much just skate on through everything, because his daddy was a such and such. WRONG! This kid grew up with a TV for a babysitter while his father and mother worked all day long. He has never had to be responsible for anything, especially his actions and now he is thrown into a unit with a prick (that would be me), of a NCO that wants to pick on him. Remember what I said about trying to help this kid? He took everything I was doing as an insult and took it as me picking on him. Wwwaaaaaa... cry me a river people. What is he going to do if he has to go to Iraq and possibly have to shoot his weapon? Apparently that won't happen to him, either. I was in Iraq when this fat blob was sitting on his mommy and daddy's couch eating chips, drinking soda and getting fatter... I was over there dodging mortars and bullets, maintaining all our aircraft as the only engine mechanic, keeping this little spoiled brat free and he wants to whine to me about how hard the army is... Come on, what in the world is really going on in some of these homes across America, that this is the quality of people that we are staring to get, to defend our great nation. I am really scared that we are going to start seeing more and more of this and those of us that have the stomach for doing what we have to, to defend our country and families are going to have to start fighting twice as hard to make up for those soldiers that really shouldn't even be called a soldier at all. I have had it with these people. I am not going to go to war with a person that will quit the first chance they have because its HARD!... I have seen hard PT. This is not hard; it hurts but its not hard. I will not take the chance that I might be killed, and my children will lose their daddy because some punk kid thought the Army would be fun. Like summer camp. I'm serious these are the type of soldiers that are starting to filter into our Military ranks.

I gave PVT Smith 30 days to show me improvement in both body fat % and his attitude. If he still acts and looks the way he has been looking, disgracing this uniform that so many soldiers... so many of my own friends have worn and died in, I am kicking his butt out of the Army and he can go back to serving all of you great Americans, your burgers. I will not trust my life and the future of this country to a spoiled brat that doesn't even have enough respect for those that have worn this uniform and died to keep us all free, to at least honorably serve his country for a short amount of time and give back a little of this gift that he has been handed on a silver platter. Freedom is far from free; it is paid for in blood. Blood of those who have come before me and of those whom I have been dear friends with. I will not disgrace those people, and have pledged to not let others do it, either. The only way to keep our country safe is to have people defend it that are dedicated to giving their all, and if need be making the ultimate sacrifice so that others may live. I heard it said once by an Admiral that was in charge of our small group that, "We will fight this fight tonight, we will kill the enemy on their grounds so that our families and friends can sleep in peace." Somewhere out there while you are sleeping, a soldier is firing his weapon. Your freedom and PVT Smiths freedom are paid for with the blood of my brothers in arms. Please remember that, as you raise your children, people. Someday our kids will become our defenders, I want to know that there are strong men and women serving this country, that are dedicated to its defense. I want to be able to sleep in peace when I am retired and know that those young soldiers are willing to pay that ultimate price for my freedoms. I know I am more than willing to give my life tonight so that each of you can sleep in peace. I am raising my sons to know and think that serving their country is an Honorable thing, that is in no way easy but it is very rewarding. If you have not ever been in the Military, I do not hold that against you. It is not meant for everyone, but for those of you who are in, or have served, I pray that you take every second of this serious because trust me, when the bullets fly past you there is no asking for a timeout. Whoever just sent that round at you wants one thing and that one thing, is not for you to go home alive. You have to be committed to finish the task, no matter what the cost. Those are the type of Soldiers this nation needs. Not the ones who think its a game. Or that sitting on the couch eating chips and drinking soda is more fun.

I ask you now to pray for out Military because we are in a time of war and all we can seem to get are a bunch of punk kids that have more talent blowing snot bubbles, than keeping their minds focused on being better than the enemy. The example I gave is one soldier I have that I am dealing with. There are 5 total in one Platoon (53 people) ,2 of which are NCO's, leaders of soldiers!!, that have hidden in Korea for the past 5 years, since they joined the Army to avoid the war. How sorry is that? I have been. I am going to go back. I have volunteered for a organization that will have me back in Iraq possibly by this time next year. Why because I am dedicated to making sure my family and yours is safe. Think about the future; I know I am.