Physical Touch from God? Is It Possible?

Physical Touch from God? Is It Possible?



Here I am again with the crazy urge to write something that I just have to get out! I pray that God would give me the words to write what's been on my heart recently, in a way that would encourage someone. That's all I care about in my writing: to encourage my friends to follow God more closely and in practical ways. The Lord knows that I am all about practical! :)

In our Ladies Bible Study this week, one lie we can be led to believe in marriage is that we need a husband to be happy....or that we need our husbands to be a certain way, or do certain things, and in a certain way, for us to be happy. The truth that the author of our book (Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss) shares, is this: "Happiness is not found in (or out of) marriage", "There is no person who can meet our deepest needs" and "No one and nothing can make me truly happy apart from God".

I would like to expand on this by using my own examples and by also using some information from the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I am not at all intending to misquote anything in that book....I actually don't even own the book. I can remember a lot of what is in the book and I am going to use my own take on it, just to show you how God has used it in my life. I want to drive home an awesome truth that I have recently realized. I think that this could be encouraging for a lot of wives, especially military wives, who's husbands are gone. I began to realize this truth while James was in Korea but I didn't fully comprehend it until now, and I HAVE to share. Hang onto your seat, Donna! :) I SOOO love you....and you'll realize why I just had to say this just now, once you read this!

I want to give some background on the Five Love Languages, just in case someone doesn't know anything about them. Feel free to add anything to this in the comment section if you think of something.

Gary Chapman has done some studies and concludes that everyone "feels" love in one of 5 ways. He calls them languages. You will feel most loved if someone does one of the 5 for you. You feel least loved and the most upset when this language is absent in any relationship, ie: child/parent, spouse, friends, etc.

These are the 5 Love Languages:
Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

I will give some examples of each of these, in case you are wondering, and so that if you have never heard of this you can discover what yours is....or what someone else's is ( a child, a husband, a friend, or whoever). You can tell what your love language is by realizing what you do when you want someone to feel that you love them. You will usually show others that you love them, in the exact same way that you yourself feel loved.

Affirmation- You will feel most loved through: Talking and sharing, getting letters, receiving compliments, a meaningful card or phone call, praise, when someone truly listens to you, when someone takes the time to really talk and understand you.
If you feel this may be your love language, you can be sure it is, if you feel most annoyed, irritated, or unloved if something like this happens: You get the cold shoulder or the silent treatment, you are spoken to harshly or talked down to, you are belittled, you don't receive phone calls from people you love, someone breaks correspondence with you....the list goes on. What probably hurts you most are what people say or how they say it. This is my son, Zane's, love language so I have to be very careful what I say to him and how I say it.

Quality Time- You feel most loved when: someone takes the time to be with you and to do something you enjoy, spends time with you (it could be anything---sitting on the couch with you, going walking with you when you know they'd probably rather not go walking,etc). It's going that extra mile for you and making you feel loved and important by sacrificing their time for you.
You will probably feel unloved if this happens: The person spends too much time at work, working overtime when maybe your finances don't really need it, the person would rather spend time alone or with other friends (in excess), than take the time to be with you, the person doesn't include you, etc. This is my daughter, Abigail's, language. Playing barbies with her, cooking with her, or just spending time doing anything with her is what makes her feel loved. You can literally feel her heart warm, when you make the time for her.

Receiving Gifts- You feel most loved by: receiving tokens of the person's love for you, knick-knacks that tell you the person was thinking of you (on the trip, or at the store), a picture drawn by your child, gifts large or small, roses, chocolate...all that stuff. A meaningful or appropriate gift speaks volumes in this love language.
You will feel least loved when the person never gives you anything, forgets your birthday, anniversary, or another important event, or gives a gift that is not in your taste. But usually in this love language, any little thing from anyone, makes you feel loved and cared for! :) I think this is my mother-in-laws love language because she always gives the best gifts and they are always exactly what you want! :) And she remembers what you say that you want! I am afraid to say that I am a horrible gift giver.....she can attest to that.

Acts of Service- You feel loved when someone takes the time to do something for you that you hate doing. It's usually the dirty jobs, but it can be anything that makes your life easier such as: watching your kids so you can have a break, doing your dishes and laundry, taking out the trash, taking care of stuff before you have to ask them for help, not procrastinating on stuff such as projects in the home that you can't take care of, or even something that you just can't do but would love to have done, and in a timely manner.
You are probably most irritated and feel unloved when you are feeling overwhelmed and no one cares to lift a finger, or when no one even offers to do anything for you that needs done. You may be a very organized person and tend to manage time well but oh, do you feel loved if someone gets to the job before you do! :) At this point, you look at the empty trashcan, clasp your hands together and say, "Oh, thank you, so much for doing that". This is 1/4 of my love language....and sometimes it pushes to 1/2, depending on the busyness of my life at the time. Now, if you give me a HUG after you do something for me, ....well, that is TOTAL love, since my main love language is Physical Touch!

And the last one is Physical Touch- you feel most loved when you get a hug or a kiss from the person you love, a hug from a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a pat on the back, holding hands (especially when it's not convenient to do so), when a friend grabs your hand when you are upset, and says, "Let's talk". It can be a back rub. It is most definitely taking a minute to stop and touch you, instead of passing right by like you're invisible. It's when they make a slight detour to the kitchen sink while you're doing dishes, before heading on their way down the hall. It will greatly irritate you if you have to constantly go to the person to receive this type of love language. In doing so, you will feel like you are smothering the person, and that's exactly what you are doing. You're trying to tell the person what you need, and you probably do it without realizing it. You just want the person to reach out to you on THEIR own accord, not yours. Otherwise, you feel that you won't receive it unless you initiate it and it is very frustrating. This is probably true for all the love languages, but since this is mine, I know the dynamics of it.
You will feel unloved especially from the "cold shoulder", and especially when that happens after a disagreement. Withholding physical touch on purpose, is devastating to you. Absence of the person (such as during a deployment), is particularly frustrating. A child who doesn't like hugs or to be held. It's easy to tell in children since, socially, they haven't learned to cover up their feelings, as well. Just because the child won't hug you doesn't mean he doesn't love you....it just isn't his love language and you must find out what his is. Adults will "put up" with your hugs just to be socially acceptable but a child will not. Sheldon's love language is physical touch so we mutually give each other many hugs. He loves to sit in my lap and "must" be tucked in complete with two kisses and one very big hug. I think this might be why he nursed for so long and why I had trouble weaning him. He loves to be held. He loves me to hold his hand. He doesn't like to be away from me, or anyone he loves. He loves snuggle time. Sometimes I just swoop him up and hold him close and he doesn't mind. This is how I know his love language is Physical Touch.

Now, onto what i really want to write about! :)

Without wanting to disrespect my husband, I will just say that this has been a struggle in our marriage. He just does not feel love in the same way that I do. Nine times out of ten, you and your husband will not share the same love language. This has been frustrating for me. However, God is powerful and God can fulfill all of your needs no matter what they are. There are no barriers with God. No impossibilities. And this is where I hope to encourage you!

While James was in Korea I turned on Christian radio and caught the tail end of a program where Gary Chapman was the host's guest. He was promoting a book of his and I think it was called The Five Love Languages of God. I'm not certain on that and I have never read the book. It's something to that effect, anyway. At the end of the show he was talking about how God shows love language to us in the exact way that we need it and in the most effective way. God gets his message of love and care to us, by loving us in our personal love language. Then, Gary Chapman gave the title of his book and his website, I think, and then the show was over. I felt my focus blur and I don't even remember what show came next, or anything. All I could think about was the tail end of that show. I started thinking, one by one, how God shows his love, through each of the 5 love languages. I could see how God shows us affirmation through His written Word, the Bible. He obviously shows us His love through His Word, through the sermons of others, through christian based music, and through prayer we can "talk to God". I could see how God shows us Quality time, through our own personal relationship with him. He is never too busy for us. He always wants to spend time with us, in showing us His truths, and in "walking" with us day to day. I could see how He uses Receiving Gifts to show us His Love. He gave us the ultimate gift of his Son, Jesus, to die on our behalf. He gives us a myriad of gifts and blessings each day. I could see how he loves us through Acts of Service. He bestows His power on us to get through the nasty trials, the bad days, the headaches of our world. He deals with the yuck in our hearts and is constantly at work in our lives doing the ultimate acts of service. He can't take our trash out in a literal way, but he can sure clean us out. Every day, we see how he keeps us going in his acts of love toward us. But, Physical Touch??? How in the world can God show me this????? I was stumped for sure....but VERY interested. I was interested because my husband was in Korea for a year. The two years prior we barely saw each other, and the years before that I always complained that he wasn't fulfilling my needs. My love tank was definitely on empty. If there was a way that God could show me love in my personal love language, I was all for that!

I know I immediately asked God to show me how this was possible. I knew that nothing was impossible with God, but my heart was aching for my husband, and I also doubted that my husband would change much, in this way, once he got home from Korea. We had talked about it and he had said he would try harder. I don't know why I had this expectation. It was probably stupid, but so was I.... I guess I thought that since we'd spent three years pretty much apart, that somehow he would automatically be better about speaking my love language. It doesn't work that way, though.

Anyway, I didn't realize it at the time but God started to show me how He could do this! :) Looking back. I know how God sustained me, and ALSO, how he changed me and my expectations. I see now how He met, and meets, my deepest needs. I see now how He shows me love in the exact and perfect way that I need. I see now, how it's not so important if my husband doesn't fulfill all of those needs. I see now, how I have relieved some of the pressure off of him (not fully----I mean he IS my husband and I am MADLY in love with him, after-all, and I do crave his physical attention but it's ok now if I don't always get it from him). I guess I've grown up a little. Nothing will ever take away this desire but if I can feel love in this way, from my God, than that expectation isn't fully on my husband. I will not shrivel up and die if he is ever taken away from me, or while he is gone.

Amazingly, the answer to the question in the title of this note, is a "YES". God can show me love in a physical way.

During the three years that I lived in North Idaho, we had some of the worst winter weather, since 1969. With each winter we got more snow until in 2008/2009 we had gotten about 5 feet of snow and not much of it melted. During the winter, in my mom's valley, the sun doesn't shine much. There is always cloud cover. It's very grey and dreary, and cold....and I hate to be cold. Anyway, imagine my surprise that during the winter while James was in Korea, I just happened to live in a cabin that had large front windows....that winter we just HAPPENED to get A LOT of sun, even though we got 5 feet of snow. When the sun would shine through those huge windows I would drop everything and run over there to soak in the warmth. Our cabin was built in the 70's and wasn't very warm. The sun shined so much that year that it faded that side of our couch. I'd sit on that corner of the couch and just "FEEL" God's love for me. When I was at the breaking point, God gave me a sunny winter after two prior winters of nothing but clouds. Sun just about every day.....God KNOWS I love sun! :) Sure, it was cold outside, but God gave me his warmth there on that corner of the couch.

I made a Bible reading schedule that year so I would be more accountable in my daily Bible reading. I made the schedule so that I would finish my Bible in two years. I made it in January of 2009. I began In the New Testament. I was in the Gospels in Jan, February, and March...some of the coldest months of the year, there, and the last few heart-wrenching months until James came home. What's the significance of that, you say? Well, I am so drawn to any Bible story where Jesus touches someone. It's so weird but my favorite stories of my Savior, center around him touching someone. My favorite of all is when he heals the woman who touched his robe. That woman could have SO been me! She thought to herself...."if only I can just touch the edge of his robe, I will be healed". I can't bear the thought of the physical pain that he went through during his Crucifixion. But I could feel God's love for me as He drew me to His Word, and into passages where Jesus touched people, and his physical death and what that means to me. Also, I have come to love how the pages in my Bible feel and how they smell. Touching God's Word, is equivalent to touching my Savior, and feeling his love for me. My favorite thing to do is take a hot bath and James bought me a waterproof Bible. NoW, I can read God's Word as I relax in the tub...

And then, the quilt at Trinity Baptist Church...ah, yes....the quilt. One day at church I had forgotten to bring Sheldon's blanket, so I went in the nursery and randomly grabbed one. Nothing special. It was always cold in the sanctuary so I ended up leaving the quilt in my chair. The church has movie theatre type seats and so I would fold the quilt up and then fold it up in the chair. It stayed in that chair for two years. No one ever moved it because it was my seat and it was my quilt....they thought, I guess. Every Sunday I sat there with that quilt on my lap...I'm sure I even wiped my tears on it several times. I have that quilt now. I couldn't bear to leave it there. I asked the church cleaning lady who it "really" belonged to and she said it belonged to me since she had no idea where it came from! :) It hangs on my hallway wall filled with signatures from women I dearly love. Women who loved me and kept me going through three years of hard times. Women who offered me a shoulder to cry on...women who listened to my anger and cared about me....a woman named Donna who always hugged me....always touched my shoulder and looked in my eyes and asked me if something was wrong, or how I was doing. She always encouraged me and listened to me try to make sense of everything happening in my life. I can run my hand along that quilt as I walk through my hall. For a long time I couldn't look at it. I kept it folded up in my closet but two weeks ago I knew it was time to display this wonderful work of a Mighty God, where all the world could see! :) Yes, it's just a quilt, but it holds the signatures and messages of women who were physically there when my husband couldn't be and women who God appointed to be there. I wish I could repay them.

There are absolutely no barriers to God's love, if you will just open your eyes and your hearts to him. Stop relying on humans to fulfill your needs and expectations. They can't. They can certainly help, but they can never do and be what God can do and be for you! Sure, the 5 Love languages will help your marriage and make it easier here on Earth, but nothing can compare to God's unfailing love and deep devotion for you. He knows you. He knows your needs and your deepest desires. Just open your eyes and SEE it...open your heart and FEEL it! :)

The Kite

The Kite
I have begun to realize a mental picture that I always tend to see whenever I think about my life, trials and spirituality. God gave it to me a long time ago but I have suddenly realized just how much I think of it. I have come to the conclusion that it is my special and very personal connection with my Savior and that he wants me to view this symbol he has given to me, as mine! :)

I am a very visual person. I love imagery. Some of my favorite songs, books, art or movies all tend to be rich in visual imagery, or have hidden meanings. I have many favorite country songs that when I hear them I have certain mental pictures. I love movies with deep color (such as very green grass, or very blue sky). One movie that I saw a long time ago was The Virginian. It is a western and I have no idea what the story line is, but every time I think of the movie I see the deep green grass in this huge open field and the deep blue skies in the film. Someday I want to find that movie and watch it as an adult. Maybe Netflix has it. Anyway, I would like to tell you about my life symbol....the Kite.

From the time I came to know Jesus as my Savior at age 19 until I was about 24 I was a very happy person. I had never felt depressed. Yes, there were times when I was sad or angry, but generally I was very happy. Very happy with my life, family, etc. Then one year a lot of trials started hitting me. I felt as if my life as I knew it had been thrown up in the air and that I was trying desperately to catch little pieces of the happiness I had once known. I would try to catch these pieces and try to fit them together into a puzzle. There would be a chunk missing here, and a chunk missing there that was never to be found, or so I thought and felt.

During this period in my life I felt as if I was flatlining, spiritually. As if my prayers were somehow inhibited, that is if I could even pray with focus, or pray at all. During this time, I had a very strong mental picture that was constantly in my brain. I would think back to when I was a happy person, and I saw myself as a beautiful, colorful, free kite. I always saw myself floating high in the sky and I always for some reason pictured my husband as the person flying the kite, as if it was up to him to bring me happiness. Of course, as you know with flying a kite you occasionally will lose wind speed and your kite can sort of dip down like it is going to come down. At times, if I was sad or angry I know that my kite would dip down, but all of a sudden the wind would whip back up again and I'd be back to flying high. Then, one year my kite was flown right into a tree. With each trial I felt as if someone was pulling me down and I would get stuck on the next branch. With every tangle I felt myself ripping, and the wooden parts of the kite breaking. I couldn't see out of the tree. All I could see was green leaves. I always pictured my husband at the end of the kite, pulling me through all these trials, as if it was all his fault. Every time I hit a branch and ripped, I hated him more. I felt like I would never get out of that tree, and would never see the light of day, again. All I could see were these green leaves in front of me and all these branches below me....(more trials and tangles to fall into....or get PULLED into, as I thought). One day I fell out of the tree and landed under it, in a pile of broken kite...full of depression, anger, resentment, hate, bitterness, ad hopelessness....all ripped, tattered and torn, with no hope of ever being the kite that I once was. Beautiful and happy. Then one day someone picked me up, sat down with me on His lap under that awful tree, and for months that person tenderly sewed and mended the rips. Slowly, carefully and with great love. My wooden braces felt as if someone was strongly tying, at each junction, a cord of three strands. I started to feel as if my flatlined, cold, spiritual life was seeing the light of day again. That, as if two years of Winter were finally turning into Spring (picture The Chronicles of Narnia, here- another favorite movie of mine)! That, color was finally coming into my life again. That finally, I could see a color other than green. As we all know, the color green usually means growth and while I hated that color while I was stuck in that tree, I came to realize later, as I looked up at that tree I had fallen from, that it was actually a beautiful green...the sign of spiritual growth. And I then had respect for that color and I became thankful for it. I also changed my perspective. I realized that the One holding the end of the Kite was my Heavenly Father....that He had been in control of my life at all stages (even getting flown into a tree) and that I no longer had to visualize my husband as the flyer of my kite. That it wasn't up to my husband to make me happy. He never flew the kite. It has always been God, whether I saw it or not.

And so, here we are now, four years later. I feel as if I am even more beautiful than I was before. With all my mended rips and tears. Stronger for it, and with a changed perspective. I know there will be more trees. I know now that I will get through them and I will grow with each one. In between the trees, I can fly high in the sky with the Holy Spirit flying my kite and no one else. It is so freeing!


My life symbol....THE KITE! What is yours????