LookItHowPrettyIAm and Passin'Hope ~ Feisty Friends

My horse, Hope at Linda's house.

Linda's horse, Look It, nose-to-nose with Hope!

I have a new friend in our neighborhood, named Linda Bumgarner! She is 50-some years old...I will not expose her real age, though I know it! :) Anyway, I can see her house and yard from my house, though she is across the marsh. She has an older (22) white Arabian mare named Look-It, who is quite feisty. Anyway, we have started letting our horses get to know one-another so we can eventually ride on the road together and not have any accidents! My horse, Hope is 19 years old and is pretty reliable if you have horse-savvy. Linda needs boosts in her confidence (Look-It is her first horse, ever) so, I think Hope and I are the perfect match for her! :) Yay....and I have another new friend! We haven't much in common except our love for horses, but we are not letting that get in our way! :)

The other night, I took Hope over there for a "horsie-sleepover" which we thought would prove to be interesting. We wanted the horses to get together while we were not ON them, in case there were any "mare shenanigans" or "territory issues". It proved very successful. We turned them out together and they didn't do much, which was surprising. The horses had actually met previously (two weeks prior), but had never been together in the field. They were separated by fence for their first meeting. This time, Hope stayed the night and some other horses belonging to our other friend Leeah, apparently came up to the fence, which caused squealing and a general excitement. Hope got a nice strip of "just" hair, removed by Look-It's hoof, when we think Look-It and Hope may have come butt to butt and kicked each other. But, other than that, all went well. Linda was very upset about Hope's scrape, but it was just hair and a little blood on the edges and I told her not to even worry about it! I am very relaxed about things like that, and Linda is just the opposite....so I hugged her and told her it was all okay and not to worry about it! It really wasn't/isn't a big deal, but I think she is still upset about it. Hope has had way, way worse things happen to her and the worst (to me) was a Bowed Tendon, which will prevent her from ever doing much more than a light canter which is to me, devastating, as I have wanted Abbie to be able to eventually jump small cavaletti and such, someday. So, any minor cuts, and scrapes are nothing compared to the inability of Hope ever being able to jump again. Maybe in a couple years that tendon will be strong enough to support just Abbie over cavaletti and maybe some 1 1/2 foot jumps, or novice cross-country (called Baby-Green) jumps. Maybe with lots of prayer that can happen someday! :(

So, anyway, I brought Hope home and now we know that we should be able to ride without something terrible happening! I am planning on going over there early in the mornings every chance I get, to ride and converse about horses. I figured I should blog on horsie-happenings around here as I have nothing about my horse on this whole entire blog! Really, she is not just a horse! She is my friend/baby of 16, almost 17 years!!!!!! :) She is extremely important to me and though I don't talk much about her, she has a huge place in my life and a special place of honor in my childhood! She was my confidence...my love...and my heart...my friend! Lord, prolong the days until she passes on, because every year she is getting older and every year, closer to the day when we have to say "good-bye". And I can tell you...it will be like the passing of family, because that is what she is! I can tell you though...if she ever needs to be put down because she will suffer, she will most definitely be honored, and I will have her euthanized. I would never let her suffer, for my own selfish feelings! I have heard of people doing so and James and I actually know someone who did this and it was so sad! :(

Well, anyway, that's the latest on the horsie-happenings! God Bless

Sheldon and Growing Up

SHELDON, AT 18 MONTHS OLD!
Such a happy little man!

I just wanted to update a little bit on our littlest, little man! Sheldon turned 18 months on August 10th. I decided that this would be the day to wean him from breastfeeding, which we have done exclusively. I have been trying to gradually wean him and it did not go well, and actually stressed me out more than did any good. If he nursed even once, whenever he wanted, he thought he could try to nurse whenever he thought about it. I knew he would have to be weaned cold-turkey. I decided to do it on a Sunday, and realized that his 18-month birthday was a Sunday. I chose Sunday because, he would have a full-week until the next Sunday, to be weaned. Nursing was a comfort for him in church and was becoming quite embarrassing, as he was signing for it, saying words such as "nurse" and "bah" (his made-up word for it), and also pulling down the necklines of my shirts, suddenly. So, yes, it was becoming more embarrassing with each passing Sunday, than it was worth.

I nursed him once at church this past Sunday and that was his last! It was a very sad day for me. As much as I love breast-feeding and am an advocate for extended nursing (past 12 months, at least), I knew it was time! I am down to 95-97 pounds right now, and have been trying to gain weight with no success. I know I was just not getting enough calories! Sheldon would nurse 6 and 7 times a day (sometimes more). It was only a few minutes at a time, but I know it was taking lots of needed calories and I was just so tired of being bomb-barded by him each time I would sit down!

Well, soon I will be on to potty-training. He has become very interested in what his brother and sister, do in there. Soon, I will not have a baby, anymore! He has already grown up quite a bit in the last week, and it is quite sad, but time for me to officially declare that, after 6 years of pregnancy and nursing (with a grand total of exactly 48 months spent in just nursing), we are done breast-feeding! Sad as it is! :(

Sheldon has quite a few words right now...to include "horse, ball, doggie, dada, juice, please, mama, Zane, etc." He is not as efficient, as Abbie was in talking. He is more like Zane was, and I expect him to stay this way until he is past two, just like Zane did. He may surprise us and take-off in the vocabulary department, though. We'll see, I guess.

Well, I just wanted to write a little tid-bit about Sheldon tonight. He is definitely growing up and he is at that point where he understands most things you say and our household runs smoother because of it. He laughs at funny things and is starting to show his own goofy character traits (so much like his Daddy). It is a special time! :) And one that is quickly fading.....Mommies and Daddies, don't ever take that time for granted. You hear old people always telling you to cherish the baby years, and I know at the time, when you are in the midst of them, it is hard, frustrating and sometimes there are lots of trials. They ARE really short! Just take that to heart. And remember, that even what you do with your baby from birth to 2 years old, does make a humongous difference in the life of your child. I was extremely stressed out when Abbie was between 12 months and 3 years old, and she is sometimes despondent, disobedient and rebellious, more-so than the other two. So, I know I made bad mistakes with her and know I wasn't a very good mother. Sometimes I feel it is already too late with her, but I know it's not. I have been making changes since she turned three and it is getting better. She has her moments and so do I. That time is oh-so important in the health, mind and life of your child, so don't think that just because he/she is "only" 18 months or whatever age, that it doesn't really matter how good or bad of a parent you are. It starts at birth and the first 4 years actually are more of a "clay and potter- molding time" than you think.

Well, I hope you are all doing well! Blessings ~ Rachelle

Sheldon Walter's Birth Story

"SONS ARE A HERITAGE FROM THE LORD. CHILDREN A REWARD FROM HIM. LIKE ARROWS IN THE HAND OF A WARRIOR ARE SONS BORN IN ONE'S YOUTH. BLESSED IS THE MAN WHOSE QUIVER IS FULL OF THEM." PSALM 127: 3-5

ME PREGNANT WITH SHELDON IN
THE CAMPER ~ WINTER '07/'08

SHELDON WALTER
FEBRUARY 10th 2007
With Grandma Sue

WHAT A GORGEOUS LITTLE BABY

OUR FAMILY IN 2007

In 2006 we moved to Idaho, and James was stationed at Fort Lewis, WA helping to start a new battalion for the 160th, there. The kids and I stayed on my parents property, helping them to start an organic cattle farm. The kids and I would visit James at Ft. Lewis quite often and he would come home on weekends. I became pregnant in May 2006 (Abbie was 13 months old) and in October we bought our camper. The picture of me pregnant with Sheldon was taken in it the day before I had him.

I didn't want to have another baby under the circumstances and always told James that I wanted to celebrate by becoming pregnant after we had built or bought a house. God had other plans for us, though. It was a hard pregnancy, mentally and emotionally. Physically, it was an okay, pregnancy, though I had a very hard time gaining weight, because I worked too hard.

That winter was hard and cold. I was feeding 7 horses by myself twice a day and caring for the other two kids, as well as trying to lug all my laundry everyday up through the snow to my mom's and haul the propane tanks each week into my car, to town and back down to the camper for our main source of heat. I also had to trudge through the snow up to my mom's to attach the hoses and fill our camper water tank up. I was very frustrated with our current situation and did not feel that now was a good time to have a baby, nor did I even want my baby, until about my third trimester. During the first 15 or 16 weeks of my pregnancy, I even hoped that I would miscarry. I was severely depressed like I had never been before and hope to never be again, until December 2006, when I finally snapped out of it and felt more normal. James was not home much, as he was very busy with the Army, and sometimes we would go 2-3 weeks without seeing him.

I was due February 20th, 2007 and I gained only 17 lbs with Sheldon. I had a wonderful midwife/OB GYN who tried very hard to help me with my depression without putting me on anti-depressants. She delivered Sheldon for me, as well! I remember that I could not stand to look at, smell or taste Ketchup...but I LOVED mustard this time around, (so weird). My biggest craving was raw spinach and vinegar straight out of the bottle. I would actually drink it straight! :)

James did not make it to my ultrasound this time, either, and I really had no clue as to if it was a boy or girl. The doctors saw him pee on the ultrasound and he was not shy at all in showing that he was all-boy! :) Having a boy and a girl, already, if mattered not what he was...only that he was healthy!

On the morning of the 9th, I pretty much knew that I was probably going into labor. It was the same as with Abbie....just hard, painless contractions for most of the day. I called my husband at about 4 o'clock in the evening and told him to go ahead and start for Idaho, so he would have enough time to make the 6-hour drive and not miss his baby being born. I think he left about 2 hours after I called him.

At about midnight, I called up to my mom's and told my sister, Naomi to go ahead and drive me to my sister, Sarah's, house. She did, and then I went with Sarah to Newport Community Hospital, in Newport, WA. When I got there, I was only at 2 cm. I got into a warm bath-tub and never felt my contractions, but know they were doing what they needed to, because when I got out I was at 4 cm. I had become restless in the tub, so decided to just go ahead and get back up in bed. Sarah and I talked and watched CMT until my contractions became too obnoxious. They weren't going anywhere at this point and I was still a 4 when I decided to just go ahead and get my epidural. Emotionally, I do not think I was even anywhere close to successfully having a natural birth. I got my epidural before I was even in that much pain. I just didn't want to think about it, and even though at this point I wanted my baby, I still didn't want to have him in the circumstances that my family was in. I wish I could have done it all over and stayed in that tub and had a natural birth, but I didn't and I can't go back. My husband wasn't there and I just didn't have the support I needed, I think.

My husband arrived around 1:00 am or 2:00am right after I had gotten my epidural and we talked and I rested. They checked me regularly, and I progressed at a pretty normal speed, and was ready to deliver Sheldon, at about 8:30 am on the 10th. Like with my other two children, I pushed about 5 times and he was out and hollering. I cried in my husband's arms, for the love I had for this new beautiful baby! He was born at 8:42 am. He weighed 7 lbs 1 oz and was 19 inches long. He was gorgeous and nursed right away (he will be weaned at 18 months and has never had formula!). I didn't have any tearing with him or Abbie, and only a tiny bit with Zane, even though my babies come "flying" out!

I went home to 2 feet of snow and my husband was there with me for a week and I was back to my old routine. My postpartum period was pretty bad and it took 9 weeks for me to recover from having Sheldon, unlike the 5-6 period with my other children. It was hell, but gladly it is over and we are in a regular house again.

Sheldon is the joy of my life! He is beautiful, 100% all- boy and is full of go-getting life. He came at a horrible time in our life and marriage but I am thankful he is ours! :) He looks just like his Daddy and has a free-spirit, just like him, too! ;)

Abigail Virginia's Birth Story

"FOR YOU CREATED MY INMOST BEING; YOU KNIT ME TOGETHER IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB. I PRAISE YOU BECAUSE I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE."
PSALM 139:13-14

ME PREGNANT WITH ABBIE
SPRING 2005

ABIGAIL VIRGINIA
APRIL 19th 2005
With Daddy and Mommy

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BABY!

ZANE ENTHRALLED WITH HIS
BABY SISTER!

ZANE KISSES ABBIE ON HER
BIRTHDAY!

When Zane was 10 months old I became pregnant for the second time with a baby that I miscarried, at 8 weeks. It was a very hard time, and sometime I would like to write about that, but not now! After miscarrying we tried again, hoping to get pregnant fairly quickly and when Zane was 13 months, we did! :) We were still living in the single wide, and by January 2005, James was deployed to Iraq, and due home in March. I was due with the new baby on April 28th 2005.

I found a house to buy in LaFayette, KY in February, and when James returned from Iraq in March, we signed the papers and moved to a newer manufactured home (a double-wide) with 10 acres and lots of outbuildings. We moved in on March 13th. The rest of my pregnancy, I spent moving in, getting organized and doing some major nesting! We loved our new house and were so happy to be able to do what we wanted. Zane had a big backyard with a pool, sandbox and sometime later, his trampoline. He loved it there a lot!

This pregnancy was the best one out of the three. I was hardly sick at all and I didn't do much, so I was able to gain 31 pounds. James was in Iraq when I went in for my ultrasound, so he was not able to be there and "see" the news that we were possibly having a little girl, this time. The doctor said he was pretty sure it was a girl, but not 100%. I felt like it was a girl, but we never really knew for certain until she was born! :)

This time I had the same doctor the whole time! Another humongous baby boom had occurred on Ft. Campbell and many expectant mom's ended up being "farmed-out" to civilian hospitals, and I was one of them. I was very pleased with everything and had a wonderful and caring OB/GYN. Though it was a male, he did a good job! :)

While I was pregnant with Abigail, I couldn't stand to eat Yogurt, and to this day, I cannot finish a little carton, where I used to eat a whole one, before. Weird. She likes yogurt, though! My main craving was anything lemon! I loved and had to have lemon-water, and lemon cakes, muffins and pancakes. She does love lemon, and even eats Lemon-Heads and slices of Lemon, and doesn't make a face! :)

With Abigail, I woke up one morning, (the 18th of April) and as soon as I started the day I felt very hard, painless contractions, and more intense (though not painful) Braxton Hicks. I wasn't too sure if I was in labor since I wasn't due until the 28th, but decided that it very well could be and did the "flight of the honey bee" through the house, getting things ready and organized. When I lost my mucus plug in the middle of the day, we knew it was real labor and called my in-laws to come down, so Sherri could go with us to the hospital and Jim could watch Zane at the house, for us. We stayed around the house until the contractions were painful, which was not until midnight. We thought it was neat that it was very likely I would deliver on the 19th (the same day of the month that Zane was born).

So, off we went to Gateway Medical Center in Clarksville, TN. My contractions were very close together but definitely not as painful as with Zane (we think this is due to the "natural" labor occurrence, instead of what I experienced with Zane). We stopped at Dairy Queen (I think) to get me a vanilla milkshake....I don't know why, but that is what I wanted, even though it was not very healthy!

When the doctors checked me, I was already at 4 cm! I was ecstatic!...and thought to myself, that maybe I could have a natural birth this time! It didn't last long, and my contractions were so close together and so painful that I gave up yet again and got another epidural at 6 cm. My labor was very fast with Abigail. I got to the hospital at midnight and she was ready to be delivered at 5:00 am on the 19th. I stayed in the same room for my labor and delivery which was nice. When it came time to push, I think I pushed 4 or 5 times and she was out. I was so happy to hear her cry that I didn't even think about whether or not she was really a girl. I guess James was interested though, and since he had seen her come out but she was face down (like normal), he did not see whether it was a girl or not!...They had taken her to clean her off and do all they do, and so he went over there to see for himself if he had gotten his little girl! He came over to me and whispered in my ear, that it really was a girl! :) I was like..."oh, yeah.....I forgot about that!" And we were so happy. About a minute later, they brought her to us and she nursed on both sides for 15 min per side and I was the happiest mommy, ever! :) She eventually weaned at 17 months and has never had formula! I am big on breastfeeding, and always have this nagging worry that I will not make milk or the baby will not nurse, and she did wonderfully.

The name Abigail is Hebrew for "my father's joy", and that she was and still is! :) She is definitely a daddy's girl! She was born at 5:01 am and weighed 7 lbs, 11 oz and was 19 inches long! She had a ton of dark brown hair and my awesome friend, LaNette brought barrettes for her hair when she came to visit us in the hospital.

When Zane came to see us, he was enthralled! He was 22 months old and was not talking very well at this point. But he was very adamant that this was "His BEE-BEE"! Oh, it was so cute to see his reactions when he held and kissed his new little sister! And she has worshiped him as her older brother, ever since! :) But not over her Daddy! :)

Zane Christian's Birth Story

"THE FATHER OF A RIGHTEOUS MAN, HAS GREAT JOY; HE WHO HAS A WISE SON DELIGHTS IN HIM. MAY YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER BE GLAD. MAY SHE WHO GAVE YOU BIRTH REJOICE." PROVERBS 23:25

ZANE CHRISTIAN

JUNE 19th 2003
With Daddy and Mommy

ZANE AND A FAMILY FRIEND,
DENISE PRUITTE

ZANE CHRISTIAN ~ ONE DAY OLD

I have been meaning to put my kid's birth stories on here for awhile, now....I have probably forgotten a lot of the details, but maybe in writing it out, I will remember, more!

James and I got married in Priest River, Idaho on August 2, 2002. About a week later we moved to Ft. Campbell, KY to start our new life together. We had dated/known each other for 5 1/2 years before marrying, so we were actually quite ready to start a family. We did want to wait to get pregnant a little longer than we actually did, but we were very happy and so excited. I found out I was pregnant in late September. James, I remember, was very proud! :)

We were living in this itty bitty house that was not the greatest, so we started looking around for a new place to rent. We moved to Clarksville, TN in December right before Christmas, to a nice single wide, where we could also keep our horses. It was a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom, with lots of land, so it was perfect to start our little family.

We prayed everyday for a little boy, and sometimes we even asked for a little boy when we said Grace over our food. When we had our ultrasound, the doctor asked if I could tell what my baby was, and so I looked for a few seconds, and saw that he was a boy! We were so excited!

I wasn't sick while I was pregnant with Zane. I remember that the smell of ground beef cooking made me a little nauseous, and I couldn't even stand to look at mustard (he has hated mustard, all this time until just recently)! I gained 25 pounds exactly, with him. I walked a lot, with our Blue Heeler, Sissy, and I rode my horse the most during his pregnancy than with the other two.

I was due June 19th, 2003. On the 18th of June, I went in for a regular check-up with whoever was to be my doctor that day. There was a big baby boom, when I was pregnant with Zane, and I never had the same doctor more than two or three times, which was kind of frustrating, but also kind of fun! Every time I would get a new doctor, he/she would get deployed to Iraq. So, anyway, the lady checked me and casually asked if I was ready to have my baby. Of course, I said yes. Well, apparently, when she checked me she also ruptured my membrane, which very quickly put me in labor. Oh, you do not even know how absolutely angry I was. Mostly, because James had been sent out for some little mission and I did not know where he was or when he would be home. So, as soon as I left the hospital the contractions started and they were painful from the very beginning. I had to go to the commissary, so I bravely decided I better go while the getting was good. It was busy in there and by the time I got out with all my food and into my car I was in quite a bit of bearable pain, but my contractions were about 15 min apart and regular.
I get home and call my mom, and she says the doctor probably just irritated me when she checked me, and that I am probably not in labor. I call my mother-in-law and she says I probably am, so I really have no clue if I am or if I am not...........all I know is that my husband is gone and I do not know where he is. I am praying to God that he comes home soon, with each contraction. I am kind of getting scared when I make myself some dinner and it is getting dark. We didn't have a cell phone at this time, and I wouldn't have called him anyway. So, I put my bag by the door, and decide it is too late to call anyone to drive me to the hospital, so I think to myself that I will go to bed for awhile and then if the pain gets worse I will drive myself to the hospital and somewhere, someone can contact my husband.

I go to bed and probably around 10:00-10:30 pm, my husband comes home and apparently they didn't need him to go on this mission, but that he had to go somewhere.....Jimmy help me out on this ....I can't remember.......Anyway, he flew on a helicopter somewhere, to go to the mission, but didn't go on the mission, so he flew back to KY and then drove home. So, he sees my bag by the door when he comes home and is like "OMG".........I was asleep actually when he came home, with a little break from the contractions. After he got home, I tried to sleep, so he could get some sleep. I think he got an hours worth or so, before I couldn't stand it anymore. Thank God he was home to drive me! On the way there, the contractions were about 9-10 min apart and horrendous. I knew nothing about breathing or positioning, really, but did my best. We are driving our huge white 1991 Ford F-350, that my parents gave us. About halfway there, we get pulled over. James thought he was speeding, but the cop was just telling him that he had a taillight out. So, as soon as the cop comes to the window, James is making excuses for speeding and saying, "my wife is in labor, etc"....the cop is like, "no, I didn't pull you over for speeding...." And so, the cop is asking all kinds of questions while I am doubled over in the truck....finally, I say, "JUST GO!" ....and so we did.

We get there around midnight. They check me and I am only at 1 cm. I am disappointed, since I have been in pain since lunchtime the day before, and really thought I would be farther along then that. I tell the doctors I want to have an all natural delivery....I don't even think I knew what I was talking about.....anyway, but I do tell the assistant that if it gets too bad that I would like to have an epidural. My husband is not a very supportive labor person and just sits there and holds my hand (same for all our babies). Oh well, so for an hour or two I try to breathe through my contractions which are getting harder and harder and getting me nowhere really. I think I was only at 3 cm when I finally got my epidural. My epidural must have been a great one, because I didn't feel a thing until way after Zane was born. I got my epidural at about 1 or 2 in the morning and it lasted until after Zane was born (at 12:53 pm, on June 19th--my actual due date). You hear stories about epidurals not lasting long enough, but mine sure did. Anyway, so from the time I got it until I was wheeled into the delivery room, my labor progressed slowly. I knew I should probably change positions every now and then to help him out, so I did that quite a bit and rested.

I am a great pusher and have never had to push longer than 30 min and my babies are out. So, I pushed with Zane a few times and they laid him naked and slimy on my tummy and I cried and told him I loved him, and it was a very emotional time for both Daddy and I. Zane was tired and a little cold so they put him in the incubator thing, and i was pissed royally, because I just wanted to nurse him before he was way too tired, but wasn't brave enough to just tell them. So, by the time he is warm enough (to their standards) they finally give him to me, to nurse him and he is too tired and will not latch on. I try and try but he is just so asleep that nothing is working. Finally, they take him and sit him up and force a bottle into his mouth and he drinks some but is still too tired to drink much. Of course, I am furious. With my next two babies I made it very clear what I wanted and didn't let this type of thing happen again.

When he finally wakes up and is alert, he nurses like a champ and since I am a new mom, they make me stay in the hospital for like 3 days, which was fine. I didn't mind, really and I got good rest. I could have had a midwife at that time, or had him in a birthing center, I'm sure, but it is a lot of paperwork and I think you have to pay for it, and with my husband as an E-3, we just couldn't afford that, so obviously we went with our 100% covered medical, hospital birth, with free epidural! :) I had epidurals with my other two kids as well, and both of them nursed right away (I will write their birth stories sometime this next week probably) and weren't tired like Zane was, but he was my longest labor, at 23 hours long....so I don't think it was the epidural. He was just plain exhausted. He was born at Blanchfield Army Community Hospital, on Ft. Campbell, Ky. Sherri Phipps (my mother-in-law), and James were there when he was born. He weighed in at 7 pounds, 5 1/2 oz and was 20.5 inches long. He had some hair, but not much and was a pretty good baby. Eventually, when he was about 8 weeks old, after some major colicking/tummy upset, I figured out that he was sensitive to dairy products and eliminated those out of my diet for a few months and slowly added them back in. After one day, he was like a different child! I was so happy to have a happy baby! So, if you are a new mom and are having this type of problem (vomiting after nursing and crying a lot after nursing, it could be dairy products).

We brought Zane home in our cowboy truck and the first song he ever heard was something by George Strait (Jimmy, correct me if I am wrong), and he has been a little cowboy ever since! :)

Thoughts of an Army Wife

MY OH-SO-COOL HUBBY

As James and I approach our 6th wedding anniversary (August 2nd), I find myself more and more sensitive and contemplative. I am really missing my husband right now. It's hard thinking about what we could be doing, or how we could celebrate our special day. I love our anniversary...I know for some people it doesn't mean much, but to us it is probably the most important day of the year.

I am very proud of my husband. I would rather him be doing what he is doing now, then deal with everything we were dealing with before. So, the whole Korea thing really doesn't bug me too much. I have always felt that being a soldier is what he is best at (though he is good at everything he does) and that I could not see myself as anything but an Army wife (particularly a Lady Nightstalker). I am very secure in what my husband is doing and happy to do everything that I do while he is serving. I know part of the plan that God has for me, is to be a military wife. I do not want pity, and do not want people to think that I am not thankful for the life we have and the life we have chosen. You can't imagine how thankful and happy I am. But....during times like these, it does get hard and I am thoroughly irritated with people who are insensitive to those whose husbands are gone, defending our country while you sleep at night, make love with your husbands, wake up to them in the morning and yell at them at night....and whatever else all you civilian wives do with your husbands, who are home every night.

I do not want to complain about being an army wife....I am complaining about civilians who just don't get it. Who don't realize the sacrifices military spouses make because they are so busy enjoying their freedoms. I can't imagine what it is like to be you all......I was a civilian wife for 4 months last year, and felt completely lost ........because I knew where God wanted me and what I am good at ( James says I am the best Army wife ever...but...I don't know) and we weren't in His will.

Anyway, having said all this, I do want to point out that military wives are not always made out of solid rock. Deployments, TDY's, Hardship Tours etcetera are highly emotional times for us. Military wives really are extremely tough and being one is definitely not for wimps. A lot of people mean well in what they say and do, but a lot just try to make casual conversation without thinking much about how their words are affecting others. Sometimes, what they say is very insensitive, though they meant well. I'm not saying that you should walk on eggshells with us, but compassion and sensitivity is a great safe-guard. Sometimes, just not giving us all the details is the most sensitive thing you can do for us. Or, just don't even talk about anniversaries, date nights and the like, unless we ask. Please!

Most of what I am feeling is because I am surrounded by civilians. This is the first time I have ever lived away from an Army base while my husband has been gone. I don't have a choice right now, and have learned how important it is to live near one. They are there for a reason! Living around civilians during this time has really been a learning experience and growing time for me but it has been hard. Believe me...I am ready to leave all of this in our Suburban's dust in April '09.

Going to a church full of civilians doesn't help much either and is not the best way to go, but there again, I have no choice. I long to be in a church packed full with military folks who know and understand what I am going through and are sensitive to my feelings. I love my current church family to death...they were my church family before I was married and will always be near and dear to my heart. I would not be the woman I am today without certain people from Trinity. It is a wonderful church and full of amazing, helpful, spiritually mature and God-fearing individuals. They are very supportive of me but still, they (except for a handful of prior service members) do not fully understand. They have not experienced military life first hand so they cannot relate to me. Thus, I feel somewhat lonely sitting through church and being the only woman there without a husband by my side (a husband who dearly wishes he could be there). There are a few women there, whose husbands don't come to church because they choose not to...but none who can't come because duty has called them away.

If you are a military wife be sure that you are near a military base during times of deployment. Don't think being near family will be the support you will need. It isn't the case at all! You need certain types of support that you cannot get from your family. Just going to the grocery store (which is called a commissary for military people) and seeing a multitude of women shopping alone with two or more children and juggling infant car seats (with brand new infants in them) is enough some days to show you that you are not alone. Sitting in church with all your children and seeing your friends doing the same thing is refreshing and needed...........this reminds me..........thank you Lord for Anne Chamberlain.......she is a lady from church who sits with me and helps me with my children during church! :)

If you are not a military wife be compassionate to those of us who are. Realize the sacrifices we make. Be thankful for what we do each day, so you and your husband can do all you do everyday. We are flesh and blood women, just like you. We have anniversaries and we really would rather not hear all about how you spent yours. We have Valentine's Day, just like you do. We get through full-term pregnancies. Some of us are on bed rest when pregnant. We give birth to our babies. We have tragic miscarriages and stillbirths. Our pets die. Our loved ones die or are sick. Our lawn mowers break. Our cars have to go into the shop. Our children have birthdays and so do we. Our kids throw up all night just like yours do. Our little ones start Kindergarten. Some of us are home-school moms. Our kids graduate from High School and go away to college. We have Thanksgiving. We have Christmas. While you kiss on New Years, we wish we could. We have emotional ups and downs. We are sometimes sick or do not feel well but are still responsible for 100% of our children's daily care. We witness first steps and first teeth. We hear first words. We do yard work and organize the garage. Some of us change oil. We are burned out and for good reason. We do and feel everything you do and more, but we do not have our husbands here to lean on, through it all.

We will cry when you cry and we will try to rejoice when you do, but please be considerate of what you say and how much you tell about you and your husband and your family. We don't mind hearing about it but you can spare us the details. Emotionally, we sometimes cannot handle it. You ask, "What can we talk about then?" Everything........children, diapers, books, cooking, recipes, herbs, horses, gardening, movies, music.... whatever the particular woman is into. We do not have time for self-pity. We have too much to do. So please do not pity us...treat us like real people. We sometimes can sink into depression easily, but we still have to do everything we had to do, before we were depressed. But you can help, by being sensitive and by thinking about what you are saying. Compassion goes a long, long way!

Thanks for letting me vent, yet again!!! ;)

What is Going on? By: James Phipps

OK people, everyone that I am friends with knows by now, that I am in the Army and happy to be serving my country, at a time of war. I have been deployed to Iraq twice and deployed in support of the war on terror in another part of the world, once. I have had this on my mind for a few weeks now and cannot help but vent it here. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GENERATION!!?!?!?!? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!? I have to tell you, I am in Korea right now, which for those of you that don't know, a lot of new soldiers in the Army are sent here right out of school. Most of these new soldiers have no idea about their jobs, or really what it means to be a soldier. I have one I will use as an example. I'll call him Private Smith, just to be nice and not throw his real name in the mud. PVT Smith joined the Army and went to basic training in FT Jackson SC. He graduates basic and progresses to Advanced Individual Training, where he begins 18 weeks of training, to become familiarized with the aircraft engines he will be required to maintain and fix during his 6 years, that he agreed to serve. PVT Smith scrap's through and is sent to the Republic of Korea. Now, I am not a discriminating type at all but the first time I saw PVT Smith, I was down right disgusted at his appearance. He is overweight by more than the Army would ever allow a person to be, even with a medical condition. I asked him when he was taped to see where he stood as far as his Body fat percentage (the army has a standard percentage that you cannot exceed). He told me he had never, ever been taped. So this kid made it through basic and AIT somehow never being taped... OK, well i guess some people slip through the cracks. I told him that I was a Engine guy also and I would be working with him and teaching him in our shop. Little did I know that he would pretty much become my soldier and I would have to see that he was squared away on everything that he did. Well, every soldier has to have a Physical fitness test completed within the first 30 days, so PVT Smith is given a PT test. He failed every event. EVERYTHING!!! He is 8% over on his body fat... the worst I have ever seen in my military career. When I sat down with PVT Smith to see where the problems were and how we could fix it (me trying to help my soldier) he lost his temper, told me he didn't care about some stupid test, and that his dad was a chief warrant officer 3 retired and he didn't have to take this crap. Well for those of you in the Army, NCO's, Officers, and lower Enlisted, you know what happened next. I spent the next 2 hours smoking the daylights out of a spoiled little brat. The problem is, he doesn't care. But me being a NCO, I cannot allow a new soldier to think he can talk to me that way, especially when I am trying to help him. As I am out there with him in the blistering heat and humidity, I am talking to him and the more I ask him the madder and madder he is getting. I am baffled. What is this kids problem? Well apparently he joined the Army because he thought that it would be fun. That he could pretty much just skate on through everything, because his daddy was a such and such. WRONG! This kid grew up with a TV for a babysitter while his father and mother worked all day long. He has never had to be responsible for anything, especially his actions and now he is thrown into a unit with a prick (that would be me), of a NCO that wants to pick on him. Remember what I said about trying to help this kid? He took everything I was doing as an insult and took it as me picking on him. Wwwaaaaaa... cry me a river people. What is he going to do if he has to go to Iraq and possibly have to shoot his weapon? Apparently that won't happen to him, either. I was in Iraq when this fat blob was sitting on his mommy and daddy's couch eating chips, drinking soda and getting fatter... I was over there dodging mortars and bullets, maintaining all our aircraft as the only engine mechanic, keeping this little spoiled brat free and he wants to whine to me about how hard the army is... Come on, what in the world is really going on in some of these homes across America, that this is the quality of people that we are staring to get, to defend our great nation. I am really scared that we are going to start seeing more and more of this and those of us that have the stomach for doing what we have to, to defend our country and families are going to have to start fighting twice as hard to make up for those soldiers that really shouldn't even be called a soldier at all. I have had it with these people. I am not going to go to war with a person that will quit the first chance they have because its HARD!... I have seen hard PT. This is not hard; it hurts but its not hard. I will not take the chance that I might be killed, and my children will lose their daddy because some punk kid thought the Army would be fun. Like summer camp. I'm serious these are the type of soldiers that are starting to filter into our Military ranks.

I gave PVT Smith 30 days to show me improvement in both body fat % and his attitude. If he still acts and looks the way he has been looking, disgracing this uniform that so many soldiers... so many of my own friends have worn and died in, I am kicking his butt out of the Army and he can go back to serving all of you great Americans, your burgers. I will not trust my life and the future of this country to a spoiled brat that doesn't even have enough respect for those that have worn this uniform and died to keep us all free, to at least honorably serve his country for a short amount of time and give back a little of this gift that he has been handed on a silver platter. Freedom is far from free; it is paid for in blood. Blood of those who have come before me and of those whom I have been dear friends with. I will not disgrace those people, and have pledged to not let others do it, either. The only way to keep our country safe is to have people defend it that are dedicated to giving their all, and if need be making the ultimate sacrifice so that others may live. I heard it said once by an Admiral that was in charge of our small group that, "We will fight this fight tonight, we will kill the enemy on their grounds so that our families and friends can sleep in peace." Somewhere out there while you are sleeping, a soldier is firing his weapon. Your freedom and PVT Smiths freedom are paid for with the blood of my brothers in arms. Please remember that, as you raise your children, people. Someday our kids will become our defenders, I want to know that there are strong men and women serving this country, that are dedicated to its defense. I want to be able to sleep in peace when I am retired and know that those young soldiers are willing to pay that ultimate price for my freedoms. I know I am more than willing to give my life tonight so that each of you can sleep in peace. I am raising my sons to know and think that serving their country is an Honorable thing, that is in no way easy but it is very rewarding. If you have not ever been in the Military, I do not hold that against you. It is not meant for everyone, but for those of you who are in, or have served, I pray that you take every second of this serious because trust me, when the bullets fly past you there is no asking for a timeout. Whoever just sent that round at you wants one thing and that one thing, is not for you to go home alive. You have to be committed to finish the task, no matter what the cost. Those are the type of Soldiers this nation needs. Not the ones who think its a game. Or that sitting on the couch eating chips and drinking soda is more fun.

I ask you now to pray for out Military because we are in a time of war and all we can seem to get are a bunch of punk kids that have more talent blowing snot bubbles, than keeping their minds focused on being better than the enemy. The example I gave is one soldier I have that I am dealing with. There are 5 total in one Platoon (53 people) ,2 of which are NCO's, leaders of soldiers!!, that have hidden in Korea for the past 5 years, since they joined the Army to avoid the war. How sorry is that? I have been. I am going to go back. I have volunteered for a organization that will have me back in Iraq possibly by this time next year. Why because I am dedicated to making sure my family and yours is safe. Think about the future; I know I am.