MY OH-SO-COOL HUBBYAs James and I approach our 6th wedding anniversary (August 2nd), I find myself more and more sensitive and contemplative. I am really missing my husband right now. It's hard thinking about what we could be doing, or how we could celebrate our special day. I love our anniversary...I know for some people it doesn't mean much, but to us it is probably the most important day of the year.
I am very proud of my husband. I would rather him be doing what he is doing now, then deal with everything we were dealing with before. So, the whole Korea thing really doesn't bug me too much. I have always felt that being a soldier is what he is best at (though he is good at everything he does) and that I could not see myself as anything but an Army wife (particularly a Lady Nightstalker). I am very secure in what my husband is doing and happy to do everything that I do while he is serving. I know part of the plan that God has for me, is to be a military wife. I do not want pity, and do not want people to think that I am not thankful for the life we have and the life we have chosen. You can't imagine how thankful and happy I am. But....during times like these, it does get hard and I am thoroughly irritated with people who are insensitive to those whose husbands are gone, defending our country while you sleep at night, make love with your husbands, wake up to them in the morning and yell at them at night....and whatever else all you civilian wives do with your husbands, who are home every night.
I do not want to complain about being an army wife....I am complaining about civilians who just don't get it. Who don't realize the sacrifices military spouses make because they are so busy enjoying their freedoms. I can't imagine what it is like to be you all......I was a civilian wife for 4 months last year, and felt completely lost ........because I knew where God wanted me and what I am good at ( James says I am the best Army wife ever...but...I don't know) and we weren't in His will.
Anyway, having said all this, I do want to point out that military wives are not always made out of solid rock. Deployments, TDY's, Hardship Tours etcetera are highly emotional times for us. Military wives really are extremely tough and being one is definitely not for wimps. A lot of people mean well in what they say and do, but a lot just try to make casual conversation without thinking much about how their words are affecting others. Sometimes, what they say is very insensitive, though they meant well. I'm not saying that you should walk on eggshells with us, but compassion and sensitivity is a great safe-guard. Sometimes, just not giving us all the details is the most sensitive thing you can do for us. Or, just don't even talk about anniversaries, date nights and the like, unless we ask. Please!
Most of what I am feeling is because I am surrounded by civilians. This is the first time I have ever lived away from an Army base while my husband has been gone. I don't have a choice right now, and have learned how important it is to live near one. They are there for a reason! Living around civilians during this time has really been a learning experience and growing time for me but it has been hard. Believe me...I am ready to leave all of this in our Suburban's dust in April '09.
Going to a church full of civilians doesn't help much either and is not the best way to go, but there again, I have no choice. I long to be in a church packed full with military folks who know and understand what I am going through and are sensitive to my feelings. I love my current church family to death...they were my church family before I was married and will always be near and dear to my heart. I would not be the woman I am today without certain people from Trinity. It is a wonderful church and full of amazing, helpful, spiritually mature and God-fearing individuals. They are very supportive of me but still, they (except for a handful of prior service members) do not fully understand. They have not experienced military life first hand so they cannot relate to me. Thus, I feel somewhat lonely sitting through church and being the only woman there without a husband by my side (a husband who dearly wishes he could be there). There are a few women there, whose husbands don't come to church because they choose not to...but none who can't come because duty has called them away.
If you are a military wife be sure that you are near a military base during times of deployment. Don't think being near family will be the support you will need. It isn't the case at all! You need certain types of support that you cannot get from your family. Just going to the grocery store (which is called a commissary for military people) and seeing a multitude of women shopping alone with two or more children and juggling infant car seats (with brand new infants in them) is enough some days to show you that you are not alone. Sitting in church with all your children and seeing your friends doing the same thing is refreshing and needed...........this reminds me..........thank you Lord for Anne Chamberlain.......she is a lady from church who sits with me and helps me with my children during church! :)
If you are not a military wife be compassionate to those of us who are. Realize the sacrifices we make. Be thankful for what we do each day, so you and your husband can do all you do everyday. We are flesh and blood women, just like you. We have anniversaries and we really would rather not hear all about how you spent yours. We have Valentine's Day, just like you do. We get through full-term pregnancies. Some of us are on bed rest when pregnant. We give birth to our babies. We have tragic miscarriages and stillbirths. Our pets die. Our loved ones die or are sick. Our lawn mowers break. Our cars have to go into the shop. Our children have birthdays and so do we. Our kids throw up all night just like yours do. Our little ones start Kindergarten. Some of us are home-school moms. Our kids graduate from High School and go away to college. We have Thanksgiving. We have Christmas. While you kiss on New Years, we wish we could. We have emotional ups and downs. We are sometimes sick or do not feel well but are still responsible for 100% of our children's daily care. We witness first steps and first teeth. We hear first words. We do yard work and organize the garage. Some of us change oil. We are burned out and for good reason. We do and feel everything you do and more, but we do not have our husbands here to lean on, through it all.
We will cry when you cry and we will try to rejoice when you do, but please be considerate of what you say and how much you tell about you and your husband and your family. We don't mind hearing about it but you can spare us the details. Emotionally, we sometimes cannot handle it. You ask, "What can we talk about then?" Everything........children, diapers, books, cooking, recipes, herbs, horses, gardening, movies, music.... whatever the particular woman is into. We do not have time for self-pity. We have too much to do. So please do not pity us...treat us like real people. We sometimes can sink into depression easily, but we still have to do everything we had to do, before we were depressed. But you can help, by being sensitive and by thinking about what you are saying. Compassion goes a long, long way!
Thanks for letting me vent, yet again!!! ;)
I am very proud of my husband. I would rather him be doing what he is doing now, then deal with everything we were dealing with before. So, the whole Korea thing really doesn't bug me too much. I have always felt that being a soldier is what he is best at (though he is good at everything he does) and that I could not see myself as anything but an Army wife (particularly a Lady Nightstalker). I am very secure in what my husband is doing and happy to do everything that I do while he is serving. I know part of the plan that God has for me, is to be a military wife. I do not want pity, and do not want people to think that I am not thankful for the life we have and the life we have chosen. You can't imagine how thankful and happy I am. But....during times like these, it does get hard and I am thoroughly irritated with people who are insensitive to those whose husbands are gone, defending our country while you sleep at night, make love with your husbands, wake up to them in the morning and yell at them at night....and whatever else all you civilian wives do with your husbands, who are home every night.
I do not want to complain about being an army wife....I am complaining about civilians who just don't get it. Who don't realize the sacrifices military spouses make because they are so busy enjoying their freedoms. I can't imagine what it is like to be you all......I was a civilian wife for 4 months last year, and felt completely lost ........because I knew where God wanted me and what I am good at ( James says I am the best Army wife ever...but...I don't know) and we weren't in His will.
Anyway, having said all this, I do want to point out that military wives are not always made out of solid rock. Deployments, TDY's, Hardship Tours etcetera are highly emotional times for us. Military wives really are extremely tough and being one is definitely not for wimps. A lot of people mean well in what they say and do, but a lot just try to make casual conversation without thinking much about how their words are affecting others. Sometimes, what they say is very insensitive, though they meant well. I'm not saying that you should walk on eggshells with us, but compassion and sensitivity is a great safe-guard. Sometimes, just not giving us all the details is the most sensitive thing you can do for us. Or, just don't even talk about anniversaries, date nights and the like, unless we ask. Please!
Most of what I am feeling is because I am surrounded by civilians. This is the first time I have ever lived away from an Army base while my husband has been gone. I don't have a choice right now, and have learned how important it is to live near one. They are there for a reason! Living around civilians during this time has really been a learning experience and growing time for me but it has been hard. Believe me...I am ready to leave all of this in our Suburban's dust in April '09.
Going to a church full of civilians doesn't help much either and is not the best way to go, but there again, I have no choice. I long to be in a church packed full with military folks who know and understand what I am going through and are sensitive to my feelings. I love my current church family to death...they were my church family before I was married and will always be near and dear to my heart. I would not be the woman I am today without certain people from Trinity. It is a wonderful church and full of amazing, helpful, spiritually mature and God-fearing individuals. They are very supportive of me but still, they (except for a handful of prior service members) do not fully understand. They have not experienced military life first hand so they cannot relate to me. Thus, I feel somewhat lonely sitting through church and being the only woman there without a husband by my side (a husband who dearly wishes he could be there). There are a few women there, whose husbands don't come to church because they choose not to...but none who can't come because duty has called them away.
If you are a military wife be sure that you are near a military base during times of deployment. Don't think being near family will be the support you will need. It isn't the case at all! You need certain types of support that you cannot get from your family. Just going to the grocery store (which is called a commissary for military people) and seeing a multitude of women shopping alone with two or more children and juggling infant car seats (with brand new infants in them) is enough some days to show you that you are not alone. Sitting in church with all your children and seeing your friends doing the same thing is refreshing and needed...........this reminds me..........thank you Lord for Anne Chamberlain.......she is a lady from church who sits with me and helps me with my children during church! :)
If you are not a military wife be compassionate to those of us who are. Realize the sacrifices we make. Be thankful for what we do each day, so you and your husband can do all you do everyday. We are flesh and blood women, just like you. We have anniversaries and we really would rather not hear all about how you spent yours. We have Valentine's Day, just like you do. We get through full-term pregnancies. Some of us are on bed rest when pregnant. We give birth to our babies. We have tragic miscarriages and stillbirths. Our pets die. Our loved ones die or are sick. Our lawn mowers break. Our cars have to go into the shop. Our children have birthdays and so do we. Our kids throw up all night just like yours do. Our little ones start Kindergarten. Some of us are home-school moms. Our kids graduate from High School and go away to college. We have Thanksgiving. We have Christmas. While you kiss on New Years, we wish we could. We have emotional ups and downs. We are sometimes sick or do not feel well but are still responsible for 100% of our children's daily care. We witness first steps and first teeth. We hear first words. We do yard work and organize the garage. Some of us change oil. We are burned out and for good reason. We do and feel everything you do and more, but we do not have our husbands here to lean on, through it all.
We will cry when you cry and we will try to rejoice when you do, but please be considerate of what you say and how much you tell about you and your husband and your family. We don't mind hearing about it but you can spare us the details. Emotionally, we sometimes cannot handle it. You ask, "What can we talk about then?" Everything........children, diapers, books, cooking, recipes, herbs, horses, gardening, movies, music.... whatever the particular woman is into. We do not have time for self-pity. We have too much to do. So please do not pity us...treat us like real people. We sometimes can sink into depression easily, but we still have to do everything we had to do, before we were depressed. But you can help, by being sensitive and by thinking about what you are saying. Compassion goes a long, long way!
Thanks for letting me vent, yet again!!! ;)
2 comments:
Again, Rachelle, thanks for sharing this post!
I'll be praying for you guys in the months left for Korea Time, and especially this week. Know that you are honored for your decisions and your hard work and sacrifice!
Bobbi Jo
Good for people to know.
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